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Saturday, January 01, 2005
A new year means a new start. A new start means a new blog. Actually, i didn't want to change. But i wanted to change the background but no avail. *sigh* So i guess i have to make a new blog. Anyway, i wanna thank the people who have been reading my blog and followed me through out the last few months of 2004 in my life. I am glad to announce that i have a new blog already! *smile*
http://holyconnection.blogdrive.com
Wishing you a happy and blessed year in 2005,
Yinghua
Posted at 1/1/2005 12:20:51 pm by guardianlight
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Sunday, December 26, 2004
Have A Merry Little Christmas
Oh my goodness. The Return Of The King Extended DVD is out!!! And i actually watched the trailer in this stupid computer in the library! Well, at least i can watch it. It's wonderful, beautiful, a master piece! *AHHH* I still can't forget what Aragorn said to Sauron in the trailer. 'Long have you haunted me, long have i endured you. No more. Behold the sword of Elendil.' *AHHH* I love Lord Of The Rings!!! :-) So ahhh... Watch it!
It's been so long since i updated my blog. I guess i have been busy lately. I have no idea what i have been doing. Time seems to pass by really fast. It only seem days ago since i got results slip. And now, it's only few days to a new year and a new term in school. To be honest, i'm quite relunctant to go to school. I'll miss the holidays when i spent lazing around, playing the guitar and piano, going to Beck's house to hang out and etc. I guess i won't be able to hang out at Beck's when the school reopens. It's gonna be a busy year and i bet i'll barely have enough time to finish my fashion portfoilo for the 'N' Level art examination. I hope i can finish it on time; i haven't thought of the topic yet. Beck thought of hers already: Virgo. Which means her fashion style would be business-like, example; perfectionist. Cool. Anyway, yeah, i gotta figure out what's mine.
I finally got my pay even though i only worked for 2 days. I'm contented with the amount given though my dad said it was kinda little. But at least there's money. At least i can buy christmas presents. But i find that spending my hard-earned money was hard. Well, at first it was hard. But later on, it was pretty okay. Now my pocket's empty with no single change. Damn. But at least i bought Green Day's American Idiot for my christmas present. *chuckle* Love it to bits. :-)
I didn't know that buying christmas presents could be that hard. I had no idea. Until i went to shop for Grace and Beck. (Sorry to the others who wanted a christmas present from me, only got enough money for them. And my cd. :-) Maybe next year.) Anyway, yeah, like i said, it was pretty hard to spend my hard-earned money. But in the end, i bought them presents. I did. I actually wanted a dog tag for my own. But not enough money for myself. I guess, another time.
I got my christmas presents from my brother. I really don't know what got into his head when he bought my presents. My elder sister got a hushush handbag from him. It was okay and she's already using it. My younger sister got a braclet. It was pretty. And now my present. I'm thinking that maybe he reused the present. And gave it to me. He bought me this white OP file and this pen that was made in Germany. I really wonder what he was thinking. Why OP? I hate OP. Why a pen?!? I'm not a scholar or something. But at least i got presents. *chuckle* For that i'm contented. :-)
A year has come along. And yes, i shouldn't waste my time anymore. Next year's gonna be busy with my 'N' Levels coming up. Plus my choir concert which is happening in St. Barkers. It'll be $8 for the early birds. The discount will end at 10th January. So grab your tickets now! After 10th January, it'll be $10. Anyway, i got SYF this year too. I really hope we can get a silver at least. Or Wilson will be going. Damn.
I actually realized that the people who come to see the choir's concert, will be there to support us. Not to see if Swiss Choir is good. Not to learn and see us sing. I find that pretty insulting. *chuckle* You see, usually when i go to choir concerts, i go there to learn. Not to support. See what sense it makes? Figure it out.
Wishing You A Merry Christmas,
Yinghua
Posted at 12/26/2004 4:59:10 pm by guardianlight
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Long it has been since i have been writing. Days passed by without my knowledge. And time seem to run like the wind. Some friendships that i held so close to my heart are lost. Time and time again had i tried to bring them back but they always seem to slip away from my grasp. Furthur away they fly, with me silently crying. I keep running after them but it seems like they're miles away. Away from me. Away from my torn paper heart.
I'll be frank about it. I don't wanna lose them. I don't wanna lose my friends. But it seems like everything that i do is wrong. No matter how hard i try, we'll never be what we were before. I don't wanna give up hope and not do anything. I wanna see us as close as we were before. I don't wanna see us getting furthur and furthur away. It's hard when i think of the future without them. Cause i want them in my future. I don't want to find them missing in the picture. *Sigh* If only we could turn back time. If only.
The stupid computer in the library just can't let me see the clip of the Extended version of The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King. Yes, i'm still crazy about LOTR. But really, it's such a awesome movie. Or should i say awesome movies? Man, you should really watch it. If you didn't catch the movie, i would say poor thing. But you can watch the extended clip at here. Click it and you're there. I can't wait for the extended version to be out. AHHHHHH!!!!! 14 December 2004. I'll be waiting for you!!!!
I don't know why. But i keep dreaming of him. 3 times in one week. Am i missing him? I think i am. But i know he isn't. *sigh*
Trying hard, and missing hard,
Yinghua
Posted at 12/7/2004 5:38:09 pm by guardianlight
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004
It's been a while since i have updated on my blog. Well, the latest was done at Beck's house but for now, i'm using the computers at the library. Never thought that i will have to use them but it's quite fun actually. The thing is that i can't go into Msn Messenger, they don't allow any chatting rooms there. Well, understandable, i can't blame them. Right now, i'm listening to Good Charlotte again; i can't seem to get bored of them. Anyway, my actual reason of using the net in the library is none other than the freaking singapore map. No, i don't learn geography and i won't. The freaking map is for the up-coming concert of the Swiss choir. And because the freaking computers and internet in my place won't work, and the people that couldn't help me find it, i had no choice but to come to the library. It's not that bad actually. I'm exagerrating because i'm freaking annoyed that i can't seem to find any maps on St. Barkers Road. Isn't there such a thing like that? *arrgghhh*
Annoyed to no end,
Yinghua
Posted at 11/30/2004 12:28:07 pm by guardianlight
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Thursday, November 25, 2004
Right now, i'm in the house of Becks', using her internet, which for exchange, i let her play my guitar. What can i say? A weird exchange? I guess she and i can't help it when her guitar is beyond hope and the computers in my house can't work. Going to a internet cafe is beyond my reach now cause my parents won't give me my pocket money just because it's the holidays. And i just lost my ez-link card and cashcard due to a loose pocket. But anyway, the cashcard only had 1 buck left so i guess it's okay. For the ez-link card, i called the people up so i kinda terminated my card for now. And i have to make another one which will cost 19 bucks. Damn! I guess this is life. But being in Beck's house ain't too bad. Maybe not for the music she's making on the guitar, i guess. But it's really cool that she's making her own songs plus the guitar chords with it. Yeah, Beck, do i have a salary for promoting you? I do hope so. Some of her songs are nice, i've heard them. But she's always forgetting the tunes but i guess she's working it out now. yes i am. [written by lijia...:) ] heh!
I'm so tired nowadays, always doing the house chores, cooking for my sisters, bringing out the dog for a walk. But i guess i can't complain cause this isn't hard work. My mother's doing a lot more and i can see that she's really tired but she can't complain. Because if she doesn't take care of us, who's going to? I know she's being strong and everything and i admire her for that. I could see the disappointment in her eyes when i gave her my results. But she didn't say anything, she just kept quiet and continued folding the clothes. Well, it's not that i don't want to work hard or anything, it's just hard for me to study. And i know that the times now is hard. My mother only has 2 bucks in her bank account, i swear to you; i saw it with my own eyes. If you think i'm so rich because i live in a condominuim, then you're so wrong. It was a huge and stupid mistake that my father did, in moving into a condominium. But what is done is done. I can't go back to the past. All i need now is a high-paying job, to support my family so that they'll not suffer. I have no idea how to do that when there's always choir. I like going to choir, i really do, but i need the money to work. I really hope everything's going to be alright.
I guess this is it. Life is hard and i have to accept that fact. No use sticking to my daydreams. I have to face reality one day so why not it be today? I don't need sympathy. I just need the love and support from God, family and friends, and i'll be okay. I'll handle it, no worries. I must. And I will.
Hard with faith,
Yinghua+Nad+Nad</DIV></DIV></FONT>
Posted at 11/25/2004 10:35:32 pm by guardianlight
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004
These few days, i've been wondering about life. I guess it was that crippled man playing the harmonica that triggered this weird question into my mind. Flashback... It was 2.37pm and i was rushing down from the library at Westmall, to catch the shuttle bus home. Thinking that the bus had not reached, i went to sit at the corner just opposite Bukit Batok's MacDonalds'. I wasn't listening to my discman and i didn't have the mood to listen to Good Charlotte anyway. So there i sat, waiting patiently for the shuttle bus to take me home, watching people walking past me and listening to the tunes of a harmonica. The sound of the harmonica was so soothing, simple and light. I guess it's the music that triggered the thought. Something so beautiful yet simple to listen to. But who, would waste the time to relax and think about what they have accomplished for the past week or so? In Singapore, who would give up rest for money?
What has the world become? A place where kindness is no longer recognised? A place where peace is no longer accepted? A place where war is the only solution? The world has indeed grown into an ugly place to live in. How i wished i was living in the oldern times where peace reigned and countries were in harmony. Everything was so simple and there was no foul gases in the air. Everything was fresh and the scenary was so breath-taking. Now, what is left of the beautiful green grass, fresh air and clean lakes are all long gone. Disappeared into the treachery of the Human mind. Consumed by the evil thoughts of Mankind. The world we are had before has been destroyed by the straying thoughts of Man. The world is now not a living world but a dead world that is still moving. It will not be long when God would bring most of us to Heaven and the evil ones to Hell. And i know it will be in a few years' time when Judgement Day will come. And that will be the day when the world won't be moving at all.
Now, i would like to delicate this song to those who agree with me with life.
The World Is Black By Good Charlotte
Turn on channel seven at a quarter to eight
You see the same damn thing it's just a different day and
No one really knows why this is happening
But it's happening
And everywhere you go it's just a different place
You get the same dark feeling
See the same sad faces
No one really cares that this is happening
We come into this world
And we all are the same
In that moment there's no one to blame
But the world is black
And hearts are cold
And there's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
It won't be the same
Forever changed
By the things we've seen, seen
Living in this place it's always been this way
There's no one doing nothing so there's nothing changed
And I can't live when this world just keeps dying
It's dying
People always tell me this is part of the plan
That God's got everybody in his hands
But I can only pray that God is listening
Is he listening?
We're living in this world
Growing colder everyday
Nothing can stay perfect now I see
But the world is black
And hearts are cold
And there's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
It won't be the same
Forever changed
By the things we've seen, seen, seen
We come into this world
And we all are the same
And in that moment there's no one to blame
But we're living in this world
Growing colder everyday
Nothing can stay perfect now I see
The world is black
And hearts are cold
There's no hope
That's what we're told
And we can't go back
(We can't go back)
It won't be the same
(It won't be the same)
Forever changed
(What will ever change)
By the things we've seen, seen, seen
Turn on channel seven at a quarter to eight
You see the same damn thing it's just a different day
And no one really knows why this is happening
Posted at 11/10/2004 6:22:00 pm by guardianlight
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Sunday, October 31, 2004
It's been a long time since i've updated; been more than 1 week even though it's the holidays and the exams had ended. But i guess i've been going out lately since it is the holidays and there were times when i tried to write an entry; i had no inspiration, you can't blame me. Anyway, i'm writing right now but if you don't see it, it's either the computer or my inspiration problem.
These few days i've been going downtown, mostly to Heeren's HMV for obvious reasons, and to search for choir's new costume. On the recent trip to Heeren's HMV, i bought Good Charlotte's new cd, The Chronicles Of Life And Death. It's a really awesome cd and it's alot better than plain old Simple Plan. I'm not insulting here but compared to Good Charlotte, Simple Plan's really a plain cd with not really good songs in it. While Good Charlotte is radio-friendly, the lyrics are really written meaningfully, and the songs are really great and awesome. You won't get bored of the songs easily, unlike Simple Plan (which i heard once but stopped all together), like i said, it's radio-friendly.
Beck bought Sum 41's new cd when i bought GC. Sum 41's new cd is called Chuck after a man who helped them through the much scary situations in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Read it! Anyway, in this cd, Sum 41 had evolved into a more metal rock way. There's more screaming but it still sounds so awesome and there're lots of drums and guitars. I'll rate it 4/5; another MUST HAVE cd.
Choir will be having a concert, yes, a finally. It'll be on the 28th of January 2005, if i'm not wrong. The place will be at St. Barker's road, I THINK. I will confirm it again cause i'm not so sure even though i'm a SL. *chuckle* *ahem* anyway, yes, i'll confirm it again next time.
.revo s'it wonk i . gonla lla yaw siht eb dluohs ti sseug i . ylrae os eb ot ti detcepxe reven i .eno nesohc eht reven saw i sseug i . og tel ot evah i tub struh ti . em ot krej a hcus gnieb rof uoy knaht tub .uoy rof llef i yhw wonk t'nod .'gabmucs a gnieb pots esaelp' dneirf a sa won uoy gnillet m'i .yobyalp a dna trilf a gnieb pots dna .ekas s'doG rof lrig ruoy ot layol eb .lla eb dluohs siht ssueg .uoy rof si gnos siht
Predictable By Good Charlotte
Something isn't right
I can feel it again feel it again
This isn't the first time
That you left me waiting
Sad excuses and false hopes high
I saw this coming still I don't know why
I let you in
I knew it all along
It's so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)
So take your empty words your broken promises
And all the time you stole cause I am done with this
I can give it away give it away
I'm doin everything I should've
And now I'm makin a change
I'm living the day
I'm giving back what you gave me
I don't need anything
I knew it all along
It's so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)
Everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared
What am I afraid of
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back
Never..never..never..never.....[echo].....
I knew it all along
It's so predictable
I knew something would go wrong (something's always wrong)
So you don't have to call
Or say anything at all
So predictable (so predictable)
Everywhere I go for the rest of my life (so predictable)
Everyone that I love
Everyone I care about
They're all gonna wanna know what's wrong with me (so predictable)
And I know what it is
I'm ending this right now..
Broken Inside,
Yinghua
(Author's Note to the dratsab: nekorb em gnikam rof sknaht)
Posted at 10/31/2004 4:41:31 pm by guardianlight
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Sunday, October 24, 2004
It's funny when you're feeling this way. Your head numb, your whole body weak, your throat hurts, and your mind is spiritually weak. And it's even worse when nobody gives a shit about you. Lying on the bed, so cold, so alone. Left to cry on your own. And still nobody bothers. They don't give a damn. Well, i wanna thank all those who didn't bother. Thank you for leaving me alone to rot. Thank you SO much.
Nobody's Home By Avril Lavigne
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
Fuckingly Yours,
Yinghua
(Author's Note: All words written here are non-fiction. All words are written with sense. All words are written from what is felt. All lyrics are placed here to let readers know how the author feels. Lyrics especially Simple Plan's 'Welcome To My Life' and Avril Lavigne's 'Nobody's Home'. Readers, please take this seriously.)
Posted at 10/24/2004 4:09:36 pm by guardianlight
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Wednesday, October 20, 2004
The exams are finally over and i just finished my oral examinations today. It was dreadful and there is no doubt that i will certainly fail my chinese oral. I was actually planning on just doing my English oral and leaving school without doing my chinese oral. But i guess doing it would at least earn more marks then getting zero. And the chinese oral was pathetic. I couldn't read so many words that i just skipped the whole paragraph. I was simply stumbling on my words. I didn't look at the examiner, who was my chinese teacher (opps! sorry, Mdm He, for such a hard time listening to me speak rubbish!!), i was too frightened and i could actually feel my heart beating so fast. I'm not lying, i could feel every single beat. Maybe the examiner could even hear it.
Anyway, after i said thank you to the examiner, i walked out of the hall feeling exhausted and yes, depressed. I had difficulty breathing. And whenever i breathe, there will be this pain piercing my back, like a dagger piercing through my flesh. Then Lijia and I went to the staff room with Ms Tan, who offered to show us our chemistry results. And i actually got an A1. Surprise, surprise. I thought i'd flunked it but i got an awesome 38.5/50. But Lijia got better than me (not unusual...), stealing away with 40/50. Fine...
So off we went to Orchard (AGAIN!!), in search for the perfect set of clothes for Lijia. But to no avail. Then we met up with Zane for the perfect job for the holidays and we got some pretty bad feedback. *sigh* But that's what trying is for. So i'll take another jab next time.
And on the way back to the Orchard MRT station, where we had to cross this junction, i kinda met with an accident. Not a major one, just some great screaming of the car horn. Yes, it involves a fast moving object. The car almost hit me but there wasn't really any fear in me. All i was feeling was opps. And no thought of ' OMG, i'm going to die, i'm going to die!!!' And when i got to the other side, i was smiling and people were shaking their heads in disapproval. I guess i almost had a date with Death itself.
Death. What IS death? Where does death lead us to? Does Death lead us to another door or does our brain just shut down and that we won't be able to think anymore? Or do we drink Granny Meng's soup and forget our memories and start with a new life? Is recarination for real?
Does death lead us to another door, just like what J.R.R Tolkien said in The Lord Of The Rings, The Return Of The King?
Pippin: I didn't think it would end this way.
Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path... One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass... And then, you see it...
Pippin: What? Gandalf? ... See what?
Gandalf: White shores... and beyond. The far green country under a swift sunrise.
Is this the way of death that all of us had been waiting for? Has J.R.R Tolkien interpretted correctly? What do we feel when death have come to us naturally? Do we see a black shade, like the Nazgūl, and feel his chilly touch? Or do we see an angel with bright light and feel his warmth? Or do we remain asleep until Judgement Day comes along?
But til then, i'll stay along with J.R.R Tolkien's way of death, that death is just another path to a better place. A place where we will not suffer but be filled with happiness.
Filled with warmth,
Yinghua
(Author's Note: Thank you Benjamin Tan for giving me The One Ring for my birthday, as my birthday present. Let me assure you that The One Ring would be kept very properly by me and that i will protect it every second. But I am afraid to tell you that i won't be able to take my hands off the ring and if you see me touching it like what Frodo did in the movies, please do not be alarmed. And noo... you won't be getting it back, my preciousss... nooo... Yesss, itss will be in my armsss forever... Yesss, my preciousss...)
Posted at 10/20/2004 12:13:07 am by guardianlight
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Thursday, October 14, 2004
Broken World By Across The Sky
Promises shattered
Answers don't come
Friends say goodbye
Plans come undone
Dreams get crushed
Lies get told
Words can turn cruel
Hearts can grow cold
CHORUS
In a broken world where we cry to feel
Some hope that helps these hearts to heal
You're my strength, You're my refuge
In a broken world, Jesus I'm holding to You
You make sense of the madness
And You make darkness flee
You bring such a calm
To the chaos in me
Show me life
Tell me truth
Day after day I keep running to You
CHORUS
Long ago, we fell so far
Yet You came to where we are
CHORUS
Posted at 10/14/2004 11:24:09 pm by guardianlight
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When we are deeply disturbed with a problem
and our minds are filled with doubt,
And we struggle to find a solution
but there seems no way out.
We futilely keep on trying
to untangle our web of distress,
But our own little, puny efforts
meet with very little success.
And finally, exhausted and weary,
discouraged and downcast and low,
With no foreseeable answer
and with no other place to go,
We kneel down in sheer desperation
and slowly and stumblingly pray,
Then impatiently wait for an answer,
which we expect right away.
And then when God does not answer
in one sudden instant, we say,
"God does not seem to be listening,
so why should we bother to pray?"
But God can't get through to the anxious,
who are much too impatient to wait-
You have to believe in God's promise
that He comes not too soon or not too late.
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